A name that is of someone who comes from another world, with no feelings, no human desires and, no understanding of the human being. My life also like that of most others of my profession is full of misery and danger. This is true but no one ever even cares to know what we all face through life. I can tell you friends that, most of us do not like this work but we are almost always forced into it by, either circumstances or threats.
I was not always as cruel as everyone sees me now, after being in this profession for the last five years. I* was a good Student and was in Std. XI, when I lost my father, and I did not know how I would study further.
Now, there was no second earning member in my family, and, I had to look After my mother and two little brothers. I would obviously do any job that would come my way to make two ends meet. While I was in this predicament as to what I should do now, one day, I felt as though luck had knocked at our door.
One day, an elderly gentleman came to my house, approached me and my mother and said that, he had an offer of a job for me. I was told that, I would be trained for the job I had to do, and then be sent to places to conduct work. In this situation at home, I and my mother both at once accepted the offer. Least did we know what the job would entail. The gentleman told us that, money for my service would be sent to my home in the name of my mother and he told me that, all my daily requirements like food, clothes and shelter would be looked after by him. The offer appeared very rosy and we were very excited and happy about it all. I told him that, I was willing to join his service and that, I would come to his office the next day. It was all settled and, we were all happy that God had heard our prayers.
When the gentleman left, my mother asked me as to what the job was likely to be but, how could I say anything as, even I did not know what it was all to be. Any way, we decided that, if I did not like the work, I would come back. Little did any of us know what we had entered into. The next morning, as scheduled, I went to the office of the gentleman Who had come, and immediately I was sent to a place somewhere in Pakistan, and there put on the job at once. I was told that, I would be given a complete military training and then be posted wherever the high command wanted to.
The training was to be in use of traditional and sophisticated weapons, jumping heights, wading through waters and the like. This training would be for six months and would be financed by the employer. At the face of it, it all appeared very rosy as, while I was getting training, I would get a salary of Rs.10000/- which would be sent to my family. At that time, I felt that at last, Lady Luck had finally smiled at me. I would be getting a complete military training and a salary of Rs.10000/- would be sent to my mother.
My work started and as time passed by, I became adept at using of several weapons, jumping about on high peaks and crossing over high and difficult terrain. My training had started as per schedule, the salary was sent to my home as per promise so, there was no need for me to think at all that there was something amiss. Life went on and I in the training centre and my family at home were very satisfied.
However, this satisfaction was not to last long. As soon as my training was over, I was sent to some unknown destination, by an unseen boss. I was told that I was just to obey orders and never dare to ask any questions.
Now, at this juncture, I started feeling that, I had entered a wrong place, and the plan that, if I did not like the work I could leave it, was impossible. Once I had entered this profession, I realized that, there was no going back. This was not all of it, my work assignment was also as horrible as the scenario of life, in front of me. I had to spread terror wherever I was sent, I had to kill given targets, I had to kidnap innocent children and elders for a ransom. All this without any extra compensation. My purpose was to destroy strategic installations in a country, kill plunder and loot. Oh! what a profession I had slipped into? As my life stands today, I am a dreaded terrorist and, I go from place to place as per orders from I don’t know whom, and just kill and destroy. What a horrible life and a profession I have been forced into. Very often we all face the bullets of the army and other peace keeping forces.
In the last two months, I have lost as many as eight of my colleagues who attended the training with me. I do wonder when I will be the target of a bullet, as I am sure that, my days are also numbered. These are the vagaries of this horrible profession. My life is full of danger, suspense and merciless killings. I do not even know whether now my family gets the money they were promised. For three months I got letters from my mother informing me about their welfare and the receipt of money, but, after that I wonder what situation they are in, and, they also do not know about my whereabouts. Now that I am neck deep in this profession, I just cannot think of opting out of it.
Even if I want to, my masters will not allow it to happen. My life is full of remorse and the hate from the people who see me. I have become an entity hated by all, and loved by none. I am by now, just an instrument used by some unknown criminals who use me and others like me for their own ends. I pray to God to save all young men from this horrible and hateful life that I have been strangled into. Now my life is just a hair-breath away from death. At times I am so distressed that, I feel that death would be the most welcome gift for me now, and the only way of getting out of this mess of a life.